


My Essential

by witchy_bidipoo



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Calvin is gay, Dan is a Tomlinson, Don't Judge, Established Relationship, F/M, M/M, They are married, and sexy, because Tomlinson is a hot name, because smut is great, but not so much, there is smut, this is a Calvin and Dan one shot, this was totally invented by my crazy mind, with Jay and Dan, with a side of Larry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-14
Updated: 2016-04-14
Packaged: 2018-06-02 05:00:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 16,280
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6552037
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witchy_bidipoo/pseuds/witchy_bidipoo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I got trapped into a mess when I agreed to go with Louis and his family on holidays. An unwanted situation that I couldn’t forget. This was so fucked up and I could lose my best friend, who was also my only family. What would I do if Louis ever find out I was screwing his stepdad? He will never forgive me and I’d totally understand, I couldn’t be mad at him for doing so.</p><p>Or where Calvin and Dan have an affair when they are on vacation with the whole Tomlinson family.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My Essential

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Evenasyoungastheyarelarry](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evenasyoungastheyarelarry/gifts).



> Let me introduce to you guys the first Davin one shot EVER! I don't even know what got into me to write the ship Davin (aka Calvin and Dan), they are two hot guys that would look hot together. I have no shame at all. Maybe just a little.  
> My friend and I came up with this idea and the whole Davin thing because we are some crazy fuckers so yeah. But it's good, I hope. Just read. Please.

It all started a month ago. School was over, the sun was shining brightly, the summer was here and every kid was happy to be free of school, me including except it was uni. Every child in the Tomlinson family was awaiting the real holidays to start, meaning going to their summer house in the beautiful city that is Brighton. Even though I wasn’t part of the family, I was one of Louis’ best friends, therefore he always asked me to come with him. It was mostly because he pretended he was going to get bored with a total of six younger siblings and that he wanted someone his age to spend time with.

I always laughed at him whenever he used that excuse because I knew just how much he loved them. Stan, another one of his best friends who was actually a good friend of mine, was coming too for the first time. I was secretly happy of him tagging along because I didn’t want to be the third wheel for a whole month.  
Louis and Harry were very cute together, I won’t deny that. But they were sickeningly cute and every time I had to stay with just the two of them, it reminded me that I was alone. I liked Harry, he was sweet and caring and loved Louis with all his heart but if he ever hurt my best friend I wouldn’t hesitate to chop his balls off and choke him to death with it. I warned him when Louis introduced us to each other and the look of fear he gave me along with the gulp of his throat was enough to make me burst out laughing, giving him a brotherly hug.

At least, this year I wouldn’t have to spend all my time watching them act all lovey-dovey towards each other and see them giving each other a loving glaze that would just annoy me further more. Stan would save me from being disgusted for a month and I would never thank him enough for that. I think he had the same reaction as me when Louis asked him if he wanted to come. Obviously, he did not want to be the third wheel either.

So we were all waiting in the main hall of the Tomlinson’s palace for the youngest kids to finish packing, Ernest and Doris. Their house wasn’t what I would call a house. It looked more like a mansion than anything else. It was a three story house with two marble staircases in the hall, one on the left and one on the right.  
The hall was leading in the main hall where we were currently waiting. Next to the hall, on the right was the huge kitchen that most cook would dream to have. The white and red colours of the room gave a feeling of happiness every time you walked in. On the left of the main hall was a gigantic bathroom with a wall full of mirrors from the ground to the ceiling. There were bulbs hanging from the ceiling giving the room a calm and cosy atmosphere.

Behind the main hall was a living room with a flat-screen TV almost the size of the wall, along with a library full of DVD’s instead of books. There were two couches forming the word L, long enough to contain a dozen of persons.

Upstairs were all the bedrooms and guest rooms plus the game room, an office for Mr. Tomlinson and a second living room with a library full of books.

I liked staying at their house. It was cosy and always full of joy and happiness. It was full of life and this was something I craved for. I didn’t have much; my family wasn’t rich like the Tomlinson’s were. We barely had enough to eat every month and tension was always felt whenever I was at my house. This was why I never stayed too long at home and was always hanging at the Tomlinson’s. They were very welcoming and Jay, Louis’ mother, loved me as if I was her son too. I never had the love of a mother and I thought I had it when I was at their house.

All of Louis’ siblings loved me, and I didn’t mean to be cocky or anything, but they just adored me. The littlest ones thought of me as another older brother and Lottie and Fizzy loved me because I was “hot and funny and smart” as they called me. What can I say? I looked good and I had no shame in showing everyone that I knew it.

“Guys, hurry up!” Jay yelled at the bottom of the stairs.

The sound startled me and I jumped lightly from my seat, earning a few snickers from Stan, Harry, Louis and the girls. I glared playfully at them and rested my head against the large couch, relaxing myself before the tornados that were the four twins came rushing down stairs.

“Louis, go help your siblings, please.” Mr. Tomlinson asked his step son.

Louis nodded and grabbed Harry’s hand, pulling him with him and dragging him up the stairs. I sighed at the two of them, the warm feeling of jealousy browsing through my veins. I couldn’t help but feel that way every time I saw them together, which meant every single day or so. I knew they were deeply in love and probably would be for the rest of their life and I was more than happy for my best friend but still. It hurt to see such happiness in someone’s eyes when I was all alone with no one to love me.

I have had a few girlfriends but it never worked out. They were all too clingy and I hated it. I also despised the gluey lipstick they always wore. Why did they have to wear those, I don’t know. But I knew it was annoying me to no end. The sex with them wasn’t that bad but it wasn’t mind blowing as well.

So after the few disasters that were my relationships with women, I decided to try on with men and God did it felt good! I loved the way the muscles were moving behind their hairy chests and the strength they had in their embrace or the way they held me leaving me no chance to escape. I felt safe in their arms, protected, as if nothing could ever happen to me. The way their sharp, rough lips moved against mine, possessing my mouth made me feel all dizzy and I truly loved that feeling.

I was gay and proud. I came out to all the people I cared about and no one gave me shit for it. Now I know that I’m not looking after a woman but a man. The relationships I had with men were always fascinating and amazing but it was always one night stands. I never had a real relationship with a guy; I never found the one to be in a relationship with in the first place. I could have gone out with my one night stands. The thing was I didn’t feel the need to get to know them and possibly date with them.

The sound of footsteps running down the stairs woke me up from my thoughts and made me look up and pay attention to my surroundings. The girls were in a heated conversation, probably about the latest gossips in the famous world, Stan was playing a game on his phone with a bored expression certainly regretting to come with us, Jay was on the phone, surely with another family member, as they always seem to be talking over the phone, and Mr. Tomlinson was looking at me, arms folded over his chest, a scowl on his face.

I stared back for a few seconds before averting my eyes to look at Louis and Harry returning with the kids’ suitcases, the kids following right behind. I silently sighed a sigh of relief and got up from the couch.

“Alright, kids,” Jay announced with a big happy smile, “time to go!”

A loud cheer echoed throughout the house coming from the four kids. I smiled at their enthusiasm and took Daisy and Doris by the hand, leading them out the door. They kept squealing and talking loudly and I could only laugh at how cute they were being.

“I can’t wait to go and see Jade! That’s my friend of Brighton!” Daisy exclaimed prancing around and giggling like she just told me her biggest secret.

“That’s great D. You’ll be having a very good time.” I told her smiling fondly at her cute smiling face.

“I will!” She said firmly.

She let got of my hand and raced to the minivan, choosing her place. I shook my head lightly then turned towards the quiet Doris.

“What about you, love? Are you excited to go on holidays?” I gave her hand a slight squeeze, earning a shy smile in return.

She nodded but kept quiet. Doris was this shy child while her twin brother was the exact opposite, always running around yelling nonsense only he understood. The contrast between them always amazed me. It was different for the other two twins, Daisy and Phoebe. They were always on the same level and always being their talkative selves.

“Alright then come on! The sooner you get seated in the car, the sooner we will be in Brighton!”

That brought a little smile on her lips while she stayed silent. I lifted her from the ground and made a plane like sound to make her giggle.

“You’re in the Calvin’s super magic plane, woohoo!”

Doris was full on laughing now, clenching her petite hands on my upper arms.

“Calvin, don’t drop my daughter please!” Jay scolded, a smile playing at the corner of her mouth.

I glanced at her, smirking and made the gesture to let Doris slip out of my grasp.

“What? Like this?” I asked innocently while Doris let out a high pitched scream then erupted in laughter when I lifted her in the air again.

“If she throws up you will be the one to clean up and change her, I’m warning you,” Jay said threateningly.

I just laughed and shrugged. I made Doris whirl around again before dropping her down on the ground.

“Thank you Cavin.” Doris said shyly and then kissed my cheek before running off to her mother.

I smiled and shook my head, she was so cute. Doris was the only Tomlinson who couldn’t pronounce my name right. She was three so it didn’t matter in the slightest. Actually, it made her even cuter than she already was.

I looked up to see that almost everyone was already in the minivan, getting settled for the long ride. A hand was suddenly on my back making me jump in surprise. I glanced behind me to see Mr. Tomlinson scowling.

There was a strange thing about Mr. Tomlinson. Ever since I first met him I couldn’t help but wonder why he never seemed to smile. Perhaps it was my imagination, but I felt like it was my presence in his house that bothered him since I saw pictures and videos where he was beaming to the camera, happy to be with his kids.

“Get in the car, we’ll be on the road soon.”

His deep voice sent shivers down my spine and I hurriedly did as he said, getting away from him. I shook my head and got in the back of the minivan next to Stan. I glanced back at Mr. Tomlinson to see him staring at me. What the heck is wrong with that man?

*

The car ride was absolutely noisy with the kids all talking at the same time and I was more than happy when we finally pulled up in front of the summer house. I was the first to jump out of the car and inhale deeply the smell of the sea. I closed my eyes for a brief second, enjoying the pure air.

With a smile on my face, I opened the trunk of the car and started to pull the suitcases out of the car. Stan soon joined me and we both brought them to the porch of the house, through the chatter of the family behind us.

When we entered the house, the kids sped up the stairs to call dibs on the room they wanted. I didn’t have to worry about sharing my room with Stan. The house was so big, perhaps bigger than their house in Doncaster, so there was enough room for every one of us.

The kids ran back downstairs, yelling to each other.

“Mom I want to go to the beach!” Phoebe whined, soon followed by Daisy and then Ernest then all of the kids were begging Jay.

I chuckled at the sight and grabbed my suitcase, going up the stairs to find a room for myself.

“Remind me why I agreed to come?” Stan grumbled almost tripping over his feet.

“You’re here so you can have fun for a whole month but mostly to keep me company. I don’t plan on being the third wheel for a month.” I muttered.

Stan sighed. “I suppose you’re right. We’ll have to get drunk though. I won’t be able to stand all the noise for a month.”

I laughed then nudged his shoulder playfully. “Come on it’ll be fun.”

“Always so positive.” He snorted then smiled. “Let’s go out tonight. Surely there must be some night clubs we can go?” He asked hopefully.

“Yeah there are night clubs don’t worry about that. Just don’t let Lottie know we’re going out. She’ll want to come and knowing Jay we’ll have to babysit her and make sure she doesn’t get drunk.”

Stan shudder, nodding frantically, not wanting to spend a night with a fifteen year old. He wanted to get wasted and I understood why, not that I agreed.  
It was going to be fun, I just knew it. The kids were nice and always wanted to play some kind of games the whole family had to take part in. I dreamt of these kind of holidays when I was younger and even though I was now twenty two, I had the chance to finally have them and I was not about to turn that down. I’ve already went on vacation with the Tomlinson’s so I knew it was going to be entertaining. I wish Stan could see the good part in all this.

After I found a room, I started unpacking my clothes then went downstairs finding the whole family ready to go to the beach.

“You’re coming with us Cal?” Harry asked with a smile.

“Sure why not.”

I sent a smile back and dashed up stairs to grab a towel and put on my swim trunk. I came back downstairs and saw everyone already outside. I noticed Stan sprawled on the couch scrolling through his phone.

“Aren’t you coming to the beach?”

He looked up then shook his head. “Nah I think I’ll pass for today. I’m gonna rest a little.”

I shrugged and made my way to the front door and closed it behind me. I caught up with the Tomlinson’s and started a conversation with Jay.

 

The sun was about to set and that is when Jay decided it was time to go back home. The kids struggled to stay a little longer but it was a lost battle. Ernest threw a tantrum on the beach earning curious stares from the people around us.

“Come on cowboy,” I said “I will play football with you after dinner if you stop screaming and crying. You will return to the beach tomorrow, don’t you worry about it, okay?”

Ernest stopped yelling and stomping on his foot to look at me with hopeful eyes. A few tears were still running down his cheeks so I wiped them off and lifted him in my arms.

“You promise?” He asked. 

I nodded and started walking back home. Doris caught my right hand to be close to her brother. Sometimes I felt like I truly belonged in their family. Ernest and Doris were like little siblings for me, same for Daisy and Phoebe, Lottie and Fizzy. They were all family.

“Way to go man!” Louis congratulated me with a pat on the back. I just smiled as a response and we all went back home, enjoying the fresh air of the late afternoon.

When we got back, Jay told Louis to make Ernest and Doris take a bath. He obviously asked Harry to come with him. I rolled my eyes at them, smiling a little.  
Jay went in the kitchen to prepare dinner with the help of Lottie and Fizzy. Guess I’ll just have to find Stan to keep me company then.

I groaned and turned away from the living room to go upstairs. I literally bumped into someone’s chest and stumbled back, almost falling to the floor if it wasn’t for the hand that latched onto my waist to make me stable again.

“Sorry I-” I started to apologize but the words got stuck in my throat when my eyes fell into Mr. Tomlinson’s deep brown eyes. I got lost in them for a second then cleared my throat and attempted to speak once again.

“Sorry I wasn’t looking where I was going.” I managed to say.

He didn’t say anything for a few seconds, just stared at me like he had been earlier that day.

“No I’m sorry.” He finally said.

Mr. Tomlinson let got of my waist and for a second I regretted the warmth of his hold on me. My eyebrows furrowed as soon as the thought came to my mind.

“It’s okay.”

I nodded at him then walked past him to climb the stairs two at a time, wanting to get away as soon as possible. Shaking my head, I made my way to Stan’s bedroom, forgetting all about what had happened.

“What’s up dude?” I asked Stan once I knocked on the door and opened it.

Stan looked up from his laptop and shrugged closing the item.

“Pretty bored.” He answered. “I hope it won’t be like that for the rest of the month.”

I rolled my eyes. “Maybe you should try and socialize with us a little. We won’t always have to hang with the whole family, you know?”

Stan smiled and fist bump me. “I know.”

“Let’s go downstairs and help Jay and the girls with the dinner.” He added.

I was a little taken aback by the sudden change of mood but went along with it, happy that my friend was back and stopped sulking around.

 

The next day, I woke up early. The sun was starting to rise so I thought it was around 5 o’clock. I sighed but got up anyway because I knew there was no point in trying to sleep more. I walked down the hallway to the spacious bathroom and took a long shower to help me relax.

After my shower I went downstairs to admire the sun rise. I went to the front porch and leant on the railing. I looked up to the sky, getting lost in the beautiful colours that were drawn. I’ve always loved the natural peace I got every time I would wake up earlier than anyone else. I thought I had the whole universe in front of me, sleeping, while I was the king of the world. It was a bit stupid but I loved it.

The last marks of the night went away and the sun started to warm my skin. I sighed knowing it was the end for today. I didn’t feel like going inside just yet so I stayed outside, enjoying the sun while the birds started to sing.

I heard movement behind me and turned quickly, heart racing, to be met with the sleepy face of Mr. Tomlinson. He was only wearing a pyjama pant and for an odd reason I found myself blushing when I looked at his naked chest.

“What are you doing up so early?” He asked his voice a bit raspy from his slumber.

I bit my lip, suddenly getting shy around him. I was never one to be shy around another person. I was actually a people person, always socializing with everyone I met. But here, it was different. I’ve never had a proper talk with Louis’ stepdad, even though I’m basically living in their house.

Mr. Tomlinson was younger than Jay. I had known Jay almost my entire life so I didn’t have a problem talking to her. Mr. Tomlinson though... It was a different story.

He was thirty-three years old, only eleven years older than me and Louis. I always found strange how Louis’ stepdad was almost our age but Louis didn’t seem to care. Mr. Tomlinson was like a father to him and he treated him like that.

Even though I treated Jay as if she were my mom, I couldn’t find it in me to do the same with Mr. Tomlinson. I met him when it was the period of my life where I was confused about my sexuality, about who I really was on the inside. He was going to marry Jay at the time, and I was ashamed I found him slightly attractive back then. I suppressed these feelings and never thought about them again.

I never really talked to Mr. Tomlinson except for the polite greetings so I was shocked to be here alone with him. Confusion wouldn’t leave my mind as he got closer to me and stood next to me on the railing.

“I was going to make breakfast.”

He didn’t answer as he just stood there, next to me, eyes up, looking at the sky like I had previously done. We didn’t move or talk for what seemed like forever. I was starting to feel uncomfortable. I felt like it wasn’t my place to be here with him when he wasn’t my dad or my husband. I was just his stepson’s best friend.  
Just when I was about to turn around to head back inside, he spoke up.

“I’ve never realised how much the kids loved you.”

My body stilled. I didn’t know what to say or how to respond to his statement. I opened my mouth to say something but nothing came out so I closed it again. Mr. Tomlinson turned his face toward me to stare at me. It wasn’t the first time he did that and I didn’t understand the meaning behind it. But I was too shy and uncomfortable to ask any question.

“It’s like they can’t comprehend you’re not their actual brother.”

“I think of them as if they were my siblings.” I replied.

I didn’t know where he wanted to go with it but I felt the need defend myself. I crossed my arms against my chest and blinked away, not meeting his gaze.  
He chuckled and it was such a low rumble that I shivered from head to toe.

“I didn’t say that to upset you, Calvin.”

My name sounded sweet to my ears when he pronounced it. I cursed myself for the indecent thoughts that were running through my head. What was happening to me suddenly?

“I like it.” He admitted thoughtfully. “I like that you’re so important to them.”

I turned to face him but he was facing forward looking up at the sky. My heart was beating fast and a blush found its way to my cheeks. I had no idea how to answer to his confession so I didn’t. I stayed silent and went back inside.

*

A few days past and we all fell in a nice routine. I would usually wake before everyone and prepare breakfast for the little troop. Lottie and Fizzy would join me around 9 o’clock after waking up Daisy and Phoebe. We would make small talk until the rest of the family came downstairs for breakfast. The mornings were spent being all together, as a big family, while the afternoon, the oldest (meaning Louis and Harry, Stan, myself and Lottie and Fizzy if we surveyed them) could do anything they liked as long as it wasn’t illegal. The night, we would play a game together or if we were too tired, we would all watch a movie together.  
The atmosphere was all family like and I enjoyed every second of it. I felt safe and loved, as if the people around me were my real family.

Today afternoon, I wanted to stay with the littlest kids. I felt like I abandoned them every afternoon to spend time Louis and Stan and the rest of the crew. They were not blood related to me and I knew it, and it should have been Louis’ responsibility, but I wanted him to enjoy being with Harry as much as he could.  
I knew it was hard for them because Harry, being younger than us, was going to attend college at the end of summer, in a different city than us. Louis was very pained because he wouldn’t spend as much time with him as he used to but didn’t want to pressure Harry into staying in Doncaster when he wanted to go somewhere else.

So I owed him as much time with his boyfriend as possible. And being the good friend that I was I decided to entertain the kids for an afternoon and asked Stan to take Lottie and Fizzy to an ice cream shop or wherever they wanted to go. At first he refused and I had to promise him I would go out with him to a bar later that night instead of staying at the Tomlinson’s. He can be a bit of a struggle sometimes but he was a great friend and I could always count on him.

I watched over Daisy and Phoebe who were playing in the sand a few feet away from me while Jay and her husband where in the sea with Ernest and Doris. Music was playing through my headphones and I rested my head back on the towel under me. I closed my eyes for a second, blocking out every sound, and relaxed for a couple of minutes.

Suddenly I felt a presence next to me and I opened my eyes, thankful for that fact that I wore sunglasses. I squinted my eyes to my left trying to see past the sun.

“Why didn’t you join the others instead of being stuck with the kids?”

I was taken aback by Mr. Tomlinson’s question. It was weird how he ended up talking to me ever since we got here. He never took the time to talk before a week ago. He looked at me when I didn’t answer and once again I was glad I was wearing sunglasses. That way he couldn’t see the confusion in my eyes as he stared at me.

“Um... I just wanted Louis and Harry to be alone together today. Before Harry leaves for college.” I added quickly, blushing under his gaze.

Why did he keep on staring at me with that stoic face of his? My eyes flicked to the sea and watched Jay and Doris having fun together. Ernest was with the twins, helping them with their castle sand.

“That is very kind of you, Calvin.” He said.

I glanced back at him and blushed slightly at the tone of his voice.

“Um... yeah... I guess it is.” I stuttered.

He was making me feel very self-conscious the more he kept his eyes on me. I squirmed in my seat, trying to get past the feeling building in the pit of my stomach.

“Are you nervous?”

I gasped a little at his question and shook my head as fast as I could. I didn’t understand what was happening but I didn’t like it one bit. That uneasy feeling came back, stronger, and it made me want to crawl in my bed, hiding from everyone.

“Is there any reason for me to be nervous?” I asked and instantly bit my lip in regret.

What am I playing at? This was Mr. Tomlinson, Louis’ stepdad, Jay’s husband and here I was flirting with him. Why was I even flirting with him in the first place? He was older, married and had children for God’s sake! I was being stupid. The sun hitting on my head was making me act stupid.

“I’m going home.” I said. “I don’t feel very well.”

I didn’t wait for an answer as I quickly gathered my things and left the beach. Whatever that was going on in my head, it needed to stop right now. I wasn’t going to have a crush on Mr. Tomlinson. First off, it would be very embarrassing, and second off I could never watch him in the eyes again.

 

Louis and Harry came back from their afternoon date in a dreamily mood. They couldn’t keep their eyes off of each other. No doubt they found some time to get laid like the horny bastards they were. As I promised Stan, we didn’t stay with the Tomlinson’s for the family evening. And as expecting, Lottie tried to come with us but one look from her mother had her crawling back to the couch for the night. I laughed a little at her pouty face and waved goodbye the whole family.  
The bar was crowded when we got there but we managed to find a table easily. From there, everything was a blur. The drinks didn’t stop for a while. We were getting a new one as soon as the one we had was over. It was a nice night out with Stan. We talked and laughed all evening, never running out of conversations.

Around midnight we decided to go to a club, Stan wanting to get laid. I wouldn’t say no to a quickie right now. The music was loud, I felt like the world was spinning around me but I liked the feeling of numbness washing over me. It was like nothing else mattered except the sweaty bodies dancing next to me.  
Somehow during the night, I lost sight of Stan but wasn’t too worried about him. He probably found some girl he wanted to shag and went back to her place. Or he’s fucking her in the bathroom.

I suddenly felt two arms around me, pushing me against a hard chest. I didn’t look behind me and kept dancing with the stranger, adjusting my moves with his. His hands travelled my body up and down and I found myself answering back, pressing my ass against the front of his jeans.

We danced that way for a long time. I lost track of time but it was probably the middle of the night, not that I cared in this moment. I stopped dancing when I was too thirsty and went over to the bar, asking for some water.

“Good dancin’ over there,” I heard someone say.

I looked to my right to see a handsome guy, leaning against the counter, his eyes bored into my face. It was too dark to decipher all of his features but I could tell he had light eyes, perhaps blue or green. He also had a strong jaw line with a subtle beard, with dark spiky hair. He was hot, that I could admit.

“Thanks.” I replied using my best charming smile. “I suppose you enjoyed the view.” I winked at him.

He smirked, leaning closer to me, so close that I could feel his breath on my face.

“One of the best I witnessed in a while.” He then glanced down. “Actually, I appreciated it a bit too much.”

My lip twitched when I glanced down too. I leant closer to him and placed my right hand on his thigh, doing circles with my thumb.

“Maybe I could take care of that for you,” I whispered seductively in his ear.

I felt him shiver before his hand grabbed my ass roughly and squeezed it, bringing me even closer to him. I was almost straddling him.

“That’s not a bad idea.”

He took my hand in his then lead me through the sweaty bodies, until we reached the bathroom door. He went to the last stall and locked the door behind me. He wasted no time in undressing himself then attacking my lips with his in a rough kiss.

Everything was rough. His lips on my neck, his hands on my hips and then his cock in my ass. I couldn’t say I didn’t like, I’d be lying if I said so. 

His hips kept pushing forward making his dick touch that bundle of nerve every time he went in. I bit my lower lip hard as I tried to remain quiet. It’s not that I didn’t want to make a sound I was just a quiet person in bed.

“You feel so good, baby,” the guy said huskily.

I nodded but didn’t answer. Instead, I pushed my hips on his dick, meeting him halfway. The feeling was ecstatic and my body was all hot and sweating.

“I’m so close...” He moaned.

His hand came to jerk me off quickly, at the same pace as his thrusts. They were starting to become messy the longer he held on. He groaned then stilled inside of me, biting my shoulder in the process. Once he was entirely done, he removed himself out of me and turned me over. He kissed my lips hungrily while his hand returned to my dick, giving me a handjob. With just a few strokes I came in his hand, releasing a sigh of contentment. It had been a while since I got laid and it felt good.

“I’m Pete, by the way.”

I burst out laughing then kissed him quickly on the lips.

“Normal people ask the name first.”

He joined me, chuckling slowly.

“Can I ask for your number, then?”

I stopped laughing and looked at him apologetically.

“I’m sorry,’ I started, “I don’t think it would work out between us."

Pete sighed then nodded.

“Take my number. Call me or text me if you wanna have fun.”

I pulled out my phone and handed it to him so he could enter his number. I already knew I wasn’t going to call him but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings by refusing to take his number. Pete gave me my phone back, and smiled sheepishly at me.

“I guess, I’ll see you around. Maybe,” he said.

I nodded and waited until he left to collapse on the wall next to me. I waited a few more minutes then stepped out of the bathroom and made my way to the exit of the club. I didn’t see Stan in the crowd and didn’t stay to make sure he wasn’t there. I went home, feeling pleased and satisfied with the events of the night. I didn’t get laid every single day so it felt wonderful when it happened.

 

All the lights were out in the house when I got home. I went straight to the kitchen, pouring myself a glass of water. I gulped the glass in a few seconds then poured another one, drinking it slower than the first one. Once my throat ceased to burn with lack of water, I put the glass down. My eyes drifted towards the garden, visible through the window.

“Where were you? Do you have any idea what time it is?!” A voice whispered-yelled at me.

Startled, I whipped around, a hand over my heart. The light was suddenly on, burning my eyes. Once they were adjusted to the light I looked over the angry voice.  
Mr. Tomlinson was standing a few feet away from me, his arms crossed over his chest in an intimidate position. He was only wearing a pair of pyjama pant and I wondered if that was the only piece of clothing he wore to bed or if it was only because we were in summer. I blushed at the thought.

“Stan came back home hours ago! He had no idea where you were! You worried us a lot, Calvin.”

I couldn’t help but roll my eyes as I folded my arms over my chest.

“What’s the big deal?” I asked with a bit of attitude in my tone.

Mr. Tomlinson’s eyes went dark as he stepped closer to me, dropping his arms to his sides.

“What’s the big deal?” He repeated angrily. “You obviously don’t care about the kids sleeping in this house that could wake up because of you!”

“As far as I’m concerned, sir, your kids are all asleep and I didn’t make any sound. You’re the only one who will wake them up if you keep yelling at me.”

He clenched his jaw, obviously trying to refrain himself from punching me. I didn’t know he hated me that much. Coming face to face with his anger made me realise that he didn’t accept me in his family.

“You better go to bed now.”

I arched an eyebrow, less than impressed.

“I’m not your son, you can’t tell me what to do.”

“Oh yeah, I know you’re not my son.” He said bitterly.

His voice wasn’t above a whisper that I almost didn’t catch what he said. He looked at me then frowned.

“You’re drunk.” He stated.

It wasn’t a question, so I didn’t bother answering anything. He took a step closer, examining my face.

“You smell like sex."

It was my turn to frown. He was stating all the obvious things. Was he going to tell me that I was a boy next?

“Why are you up, Mr. Tomlinson?” I finally asked.

He took a few moments to answer.

“As I said, no one knew where you were, so someone had to stay up in case you called or came back home like a mess.”

I sighed, running a hand through my face.

“You didn’t have to do that, I’m old enough to take of myself. You should go back to bed, sir.”

Mr. Tomlinson took another step. His body was inches away from mine. I looked up to see him staring at me and backed away. Only my back was already pressed against the counter. My eyes fell to the floor, unable to maintain the eye contact with the man in front of me.

I was a mess. I knew I smelled like alcohol and sex and my hair were probably in a weird angle from all the pushing and gripping Pete did. I didn’t know why, but I didn’t want him to see me that way. My eyes were most certainly hazy from all the alcohol I swallowed and my clothes were crumpled from the sex I had.

“I wanted to,” he said in a soft voice. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

My eyes snapped up to his so quickly I wouldn’t be surprised if they got stuck midway. I stopped breathing for a brief second as my heart decided it was a good time to start racing like crazy. Words were stuck in my throat as I found it difficult to breathe.

“I’m so glad you’re not my son,” he whispered, bringing his hand to the side of my face.

I felt a twinge in my heart as he spoke these hurting words. I didn’t think I could feel worse, knowing my parents hated me, I was wrong. Deep down, I always searched for Mr. Tomlinson approval and it hurt me to know he didn’t want me as a son. He didn’t want me to be a part of his family.

“Hey, what’s got you so down?” He asked, his thumb brushing my cheek slowly.

I pushed his hand away and looked at him straight in the eyes.

“You don’t need to admit at loud that you hate me, you know, Mr. Tomlinson?”

I stepped past him, wanting the comfort of my bed as soon as possible. I couldn’t stay in the same room as him, not when I was half drunk. I never controlled myself when I was drunk and always let my feelings show.

I didn’t get far however, as a hand gripped my arm tightly and turned me around so fast I came crashing in Mr. Tomlinson’s chest. He lifted my head with his left hand and stared at me so deeply I felt myself blushing under his hard gaze. His brown eyes held an emotion I didn’t decipher.

“I didn’t say I hated you, Calvin,” he spoke sweetly. “It’s far from the truth.”

He leant down, bringing his face closer to my own. I felt his breath on my face, prickling my lips. My eyes flicked to his mouth, craving these sinful pink lips on me.

“I really don’t hate you,” he whispered before closing the gap between us.

I gasped at the feeling of his lips against mine. My eyes fluttered close while I leaned into him more, my heart beating rapidly, like it’s never before. He bit on my lower lip, eliciting a moan from me. I opened my mouth, giving him access to slide his tongue in. My stomach was doing weird flip flops as we kissed and my knees almost gave in but Mr. Tomlinson tightened his hold on me bringing me so, so close to him. I could feel his heart beat against my chest and a wave of warmth came over my body.

His tongue swirled around mine, giving me goose bumps all around my body. I was almost running out of breath but I didn’t want to stop the kiss. It felt so good that I wanted to keep kissing him for the rest of my life.

I moaned in the kiss when I felt his hands grip my hips tightly. I brought my hands to his neck and pulled on his hair making him sigh in my mouth. He pushed me until I felt the wall of the kitchen on my back.

He pulled back a second, allowing us to breathe, then took hostage of my mouth again. I wrapped my right leg around his hip so we could feel each other and brought him closer to me, if that was even possible. I was so turned on that I wasn’t thinking straight. My mind was blurry and all my surroundings disappeared when his tongue brushed against mine. I roughly bit his lip then pulled out to groan aloud when his hips pressed against mine a little harder.

Mr. Tomlinson took advantage of that and kissed my neck, trying to find my soft spot. I couldn’t keep quiet, not when it felt so good to be kissed by someone. I’ve never felt more important than in that instant. It was like all that mattered was me and him.

His hand went from my hip to the front of my jean and started palming me through the denim. I threw my head back and moaned again and again. I don’t think I’ve ever been this turned on in my entire life. I wanted him so bad.

“I want you,” I whispered voicing my thoughts.

Mr. Tomlinson looked at me with hooded eyes full of lust. He took possession of my mouth once more and kissed me more intensely than before, rocking his hips against mine. The familiar feeling of arousal was forming itself in my stomach.

He trailed kisses on my neck, down to my collar bones as I was desperately trying to not fall to the ground with all the lust I was feeling for this man. I don’t think I’ve ever been this turned on by anyone before him.

His hands fiddled with my belt before pulling the zipper of my jeans short down. His fingers entered my briefs stroking me slowly. My hips rocked into his hand, wanting more. It just wasn’t enough, I needed so much more and I felt so needy, something that I usually was not.

“You’re so beautiful,” he said, kissing me again.

He detached himself from me and I whined from the lost contact of his hand on me. He slowly pulled his pants down, giving me the opportunity to rack my eyes over his fine body. His legs were toned and long and muscles were visible through the skin, making me salivate. They were as strong as his arms and I knew he wouldn’t have any problem fucking me against the wall.

“Oh don’t worry,” he grunted, “I will fuck you against that darn wall.”

My eyes widened. Did I just talk at loud without noticing or was he able to read my mind? Whichever it was, it made my cock leak in my boxers. I needed him so much, I was desperate for him to be inside of me and fill me entirely.

“The more you look at me that way, the more I have the urge to fuck you right here right now.” He growled.

“What are you waiting for?” I asked, quirking an eyebrow, provoking him.

He didn’t waste any more second as he lunged forward and grabbed my hips forcefully, pressing our mouth together. His tongue slipped in my mouth taking my breath away as I could feel the passion coming from him.

Soon enough, he pressed our dicks together, stroking them at the same time. I broke the kiss to look down and moaned at the sight in front of my eyes. His long, slick fingers were around both our shafts and the sight was absolutely erotic. I looked up at him and got lost in his heavy brown eyes that were now fully black.  
“Turn around,” he ordered.

I did as I was told and eagerly turned my back to him and pressed my face against the cold wall. I was so hot that it felt good to have a brief moment to breathe properly. Soon, he entered a finger inside of me.

“You don’t need to prep me.” I said hastily, wanting to feel him as soon as possible.

A low growl escaped from his throat as I heard him spit on what I supposed was his hand.

“I’m going to make you forget all about these baby pricks that have already fucked you. You will only think about me when you will touch yourself and no one else will be able to please you as I will.”

I never thought I was one to be into dirty talk but hearing him speak like that made my cock twitch, begging for attention.

“Yes please, fuck me so hard I won’t be able to walk for a full week.” I whimpered.

I felt the tip of his member enter me and before I could take a breath, he slammed into me roughly making me cry out. He didn’t wait for me to recover and started to thrust in and out of me, going deeper with each thrust.

All that was heard was the sound of the skin to skin contact, his grunts and groans of pleasure and my desperate moans. He suddenly thrust his hips in a different angle that had me a writhing mess.

“Right here!” I whispered-yelled, trying to hold back my moans.

He kept hitting that one spot that brought me closer to the brink every time. His hand took hold of my shaft and started pumping at the same pace as his thrusts.  
“You feel so good baby.” He murmured in my ear then bit it lightly.

I moaned, not able to hold back any longer. It all felt too good and I was still sensitive for the previous sex session I had.

“I-I’m c-”

I didn’t have time to finish my sentence, that a moan cut me as I climaxed, shooting in his hand. He kept stroking me until I was truly finished then stilled inside of me with a groan. I felt my inside go warm as he spilled inside me.

When he pulled back, I rested my forehead against the wall, not trusting my legs to carry me. Mr. Tomlinson turned me around a hand on my hip to stabilize me. He brought the other to his face and sucked on his fingers to clean them from the mess I made. He then kissed me, making me taste myself on his tongue. We kissed for a while longer, recovering from the hot sex we just had.

He brushed my forehead from my hair and kissed me lightly on the lips. I smiled and deepened the kiss, taking my time to play with his tongue.  
A sudden wave of realisation rushed over me. My eyes widened in horror and I pushed him away, looking everywhere but him.

“Oh my God,” I whispered, a hand coming over my mouth.

I looked at him with fear and tears dancing on the edge of my eyes. What did we just do? He opened his mouth to say something but I left the kitchen in haste not looking back. I felt so sick to my stomach as I climbed the stairs, wanting nothing more than the floor to swallow me in.

What was I thinking? Having sex with Louis’ stepdad like that? I betrayed him and Jay, I betrayed their trust. I could never look at them in the eyes knowing what I did, without feeling guilty. I was disgusting. So, so disgusting.

A few tears ran down my cheeks as I stumbled on the last step and hurried to the bathroom. I fell to the floor, in front of the toilet seat and threw up. My throat was burning, not only because I just emptied the contents of my stomach but because I knew what I did was irreversible. No matter how much I would want to forget I would never be able to do. I was a monster.

But even if I hated what I did, I couldn’t deny the helpless feeling of need that I felt. I wanted to do it again, and again. It was so wrong but when Mr. Tomlinson and I kissed it was magical and it so right. Our bodies were perfect for each other and that was what scared me the most because I knew it would be almost impossible for me to forget about tonight.

I went to my room as fast as possible after I brushed my teeth and ran cold water over my face. I crashed in my bed, not bothering to take my clothes off. I touched my lips, already regretting the feeling of his rough lips against mine. I scolded myself for such thoughts and promised to not do it again. Tomorrow was going to be awfully awkward.

 

I woke up around ten in the morning, my head throbbing with an upcoming headache. It wasn’t that bad though, I just had to take some pills and the pain would soon fade away. It was just a matter of time.

A groan escaped my mouth as I rolled over on my back, staring blankly at the ceiling. The events of the night before didn’t leave my mind and I felt as miserable as I did when I went to bed. I sighed and decided to get up. Might as well face them now than later.

I crossed the hall to the bathroom and took a much needed shower. I felt the dirt of the previous night being washed away by the water. I scrubbed myself a little harder than necessary until my skin was a bright red, as if it could make everything disappear. I stayed under the hot water for an eternity, until the water turned out cold.

Shivering, I draped a towel around my lower half and sprinted down the hall to my room so I could get dressed in a knee-length short and a white t-shirt. As I went down the stairs I heard the clatter of cutlery against the plates and the nice chatter of the kids.

“Well look who decided to come home!” Louis shouted once he noticed me.

I gave him a sheepish smile and went to take a plate to serve myself some breakfast.

“So, where did you go last night?” Stan asked. “You disappeared so I decided to go back home.”

All eyes were on me and silence filled the room. I averted my eyes from them and dropped my gaze to the table once I was seated next to Lottie. A grimace escaped me when my butt touched the seat; I’d probably have some difficulties to walk for a few days. Just like I asked him, I thought darkly.

“You know, just... having fun.” I finally answered, voice shaking. Oh boy did I have fun last night.

I was hoping they’d drop the subject and talk about something else. Louis was able to read me like an open book and he would definitely know something was up. He could tell by the way I was acting that I had done something morally wrong.

“What if we all went mini-golfing today?” Mr. Tomlinson interfered.

I glanced at him from the corner of my eyes, silently thanking him. I didn’t want to face him, less talk to him. But I had to admit that I was thankful for the change of subject. He caught my gaze and held it but I looked down after a second, too ashamed.

“Just promise we won’t have to do just the kids circuits. I want to have fun!” Lottie begged her mother.

“We will make sure everyone does a thing they want.” Jay replied with a smile.

 

After that, the kids finished their breakfast hastily then hurried up the stairs to get ready for the day. I sighed once they disappeared and drank my cup of coffee.  
“Are you okay there, Cal?” I heard Louis ask.

“Just tired.” I answered without glancing up from my cup.

It was hard to look at him in the eyes so I decided against it and avoided eye contact for the rest of the day. Whether it was Louis, Jay or Mr. Tomlinson. I was too ashamed of myself to even consider talking to them.

 

I wasn’t used to be awkward, yet it had been a week since I was acting weird and I guess all the Tomlinson’s noticed. I tried to be my happy positive self as I always was but it was hard to do so. Guilty was eating me up from the inside. I felt so disgusted that I couldn’t look in the mirror anymore. But the most horrible thing was that I missed Mr. Tomlinson’s lips on mine and missed the way his body would meet mine.

I missed the warmth spreading through my body as he kissed me against the wall; I missed the feeling of his giant hands on my hips; I missed his body pressed against mine, leaving absolutely no space between us.

It was wrong, having sex with him was wrong, thinking about it was wrong. Yet I couldn’t stop myself. Every time I looked at him, I remembered that night and the way he was dominating me. During the night, I fantasized about his body next to mine, making love to me. It was so wrong, and the thoughts I had were so nasty but I was craving for more than the one night stand we shared. I wanted more but I couldn’t have it. Not with Mr. Tomlinson.

It was the first time that I happened to want something to do with a guy I slept with. Yet, here I was, desperately wanting Mr. Tomlinson in ways I should never think of.

As I watched the kids play around the garden while the adults were gathered around the BBQ, I let my mind wonder to that special night. I knew I shouldn’t but nobody was paying attention to me and I had to stop staring at Mr. Tomlinson’s bare chest. I could not be turned on with everyone around; Louis would ask me who I’m lusting over to be this excited.

“What’s up dude? You’re out of it since the night we went out.”

Stan sat down next to me on the stairs at the back of the house. He handed me a beer and clinked our bottles together before sipping on his beer. I did the same and resumed my contemplation.

“I had sex with a guy, that’s all that really happened. Must want to get laid again is all.” I muttered.

Stan shrugged.

“It’s a shame you didn’t see the hot chick I found that night,” he said chuckling to himself.

“Could she actually make you fall in love and settle down?” I teased him, nudging his shoulder with my own.

He laughed then shook his head.

“You know me Cal. There are too many fishes out there that want to have a taste of my wonderful body. I can’t break their heart, you know?”

I shook my head in false disbelief as I laughed along with him.

“One day, a woman will overpower your heart without you noticing."

“I doubt that, really.” He said then got up. “Come and eat something. I don’t want to see you moping all day anymore.”

A real smile made its way on my face as I watched him go down the few stairs and run towards the little monsters, scaring them off. He chased after them for a while as I laughed. It was good to have such a good friend when you needed it the most.

I felt someone sit next to me and had to hold my breath. I knew who it was without even glancing their way. How could it be possible that I acknowledged his presence when it could be anyone? I gulped, trying to make up some excuse so I could leave him without talking.

Mr. Tomlinson and I didn’t talk for a week. He tried to get me alone but I always dodged him and had an excuse not to be in the same room as him when we were alone. But I guess I couldn’t hide anywhere this time. It would look suspicious and the last thing I want is for Jay or Louis to be suspicious of my odd antics towards Mr. Tomlinson.

So I waited in silence. I surely wasn’t going to be the one to talk first because I was too shy around him and that was something that never happened to me before. I never felt these kinds of feelings towards someone else. All I felt for men was lust. I never wanted to be with someone that way, to be in a relationship with a guy like I wanted one with Mr. Tomlinson.

It was really stupid of me to think something could happen between us. We never talked properly, only made small talks. But I just wanted to cuddle against his warm chest, his arm draped around my shoulder, making me feel safe as we watched a film, the kids playing in the next room. I wanted to wake up next to him and prepare breakfast for him and the kids. I wanted to be a part of their life as their father’s boyfriend.

Obviously, it was going to stay a little fantasy. I would never get my hopes up and think a relationship between Mr. Tomlinson and I was possible. We were not even on the first name basis, for my part and there were so many things I didn’t know about him. Like what he liked to do on his free time, his favourite film or favourite food. Were we even able to hold a conversation or would we sit in an awkward silence?

“Me and Johanna are getting a divorce.”

Air left my lungs at his statement. What?! I turned to my left to face him showing him how surprised I was. Was it because of me? Because we had sex? Did Jay hear us that night? I wouldn’t be surprised if she did because I wasn’t particularly quiet.

“Is it... is it because of me?” I asked shakily, cursing myself for stuttering.

Mr. Tomlinson looked at me and quickly shook his head.

“No! No,” he spoke softly. “We had decided to get a divorce way before you and me... I just don’t want you to feel like you have to avoid me, you know? It’s just a matter of time before we officially sign the papers.”

“So that makes it okay?” I asked harshly.

When he didn’t answer, I spoke again.

“Huh? Tell me. Does it make this all fucking okay? That we had sex while you are married to my best friend’s mother!”

I wanted to shout out him and make him understand how I was feeling. But one quick look towards the kids and I unwillingly shut my mouth. I couldn’t make a public scene. They wouldn’t understand, no more than the adults.

“No it doesn’t make it okay.” He said after a while of a tense silence. “Johanna and I sleep in different bedrooms for about four months now. We decided to wait until we tell the kids.”

“So in the mean time you thought it was fun to have your way with me? To experience things with a guy? Was I just a good fuck while we are on vacations? Just a way to pass on time?”

My emotions were taking over me. More than disgusted, I was frustrated with myself for being disappointed in him. I wanted Mr. Tomlinson to have feelings for me, but I knew that it was impossible. Why would he feel things for someone like me? I was a nobody, no one important, I didn’t have anything, I had just finished university, and I didn’t know what to do now. I could never provide for him and his family so he would never want to be in a relationship with someone like me.

“Calvin... it’s not like that.”

“Then tell me how it is.” I almost begged him.

I could tell he was refraining himself from touching me and I suddenly cursed all the persons in the garden. I wished they would leave us alone so we could discuss in peace with no one to interrupt us. I needed to know how he was feeling towards me, if what we did was just a one-time thing, if it never meant anything to him. It was killing me to be in the blur.

“Calvin,” he said softly.

I looked up at him and saw tenderness in his brown eyes.

“You mean a lot to me. I want to get to know you, take you out on dates and make love to you all night long. I like you a lot. And if it makes you feel better, then we will wait until Johanna and I are officially divorced.”

I blinked at him, not knowing what to say. It was like everything I wanted finally came to life. Was I ready to take the risk to lose Louis’ friendship over a man? In the back of my mind the answer was yes. Yes I was ready to take the risk because I had never felt more alive than when Mr. Tomlinson gave me all his attention. And if Louis truly cared about me like I knew he did, then he would be happy that I was happy. He knew just how much I felt lonely and needed someone to bring joy in my life, other than him and his siblings.

“When will you be officially divorced?”

He smiled at me and his hand covered mine discretely. I had a new feeling washing over me: hope. I had hope for the first time in a long time. His eyes mirrored mine, holding hope and what looked like love. But that couldn’t be true. He couldn’t just love me yet.

“In a couple of weeks, when we’ll get back to Doncaster.” He answered.

I nodded.

“Okay. If you still want to be with me when you’re divorced, call me or text me. I’ll be waiting.”

I didn’t want to sound so desperate but I couldn’t hide the fact that I was full with joy and hope. Hope for a better future with a man that could maybe fall in love with me sometime in the future.

His fingers tightened around mine.

“I will still want you, Calvin. I will always will.”

A small smile crawled on my face as I felt a blush rising on my cheeks. He chuckled lightly and brought my hand to his mouth, kissing my knuckles softly. I quickly looked around us but no one was paying attention to us.

“I should go get something to eat, Mr. Tomlinson.” I said cheekily.

His eyes darkened when I called him by his last name. He wasn’t mad that I called him like that, he was getting turned on and I found myself enjoying it way more than I should have.

“Call me Dan when we’re alone.”

I nodded and smiled again before getting up from my spot. I was in a better mood than I had been in a very long time. I jumped on Louis’ back when I got close to him, making him squeal like a little girl. I burst out laughing, not able to contain my happy feeling.

*

“Calviiiin!” Little Ernest whined.

I sighed, putting down the fork on the table.

“Why don’t you want to eat, cowboy?” I asked softly.

I had volunteered myself to give Ernest his dinner and I was starting to regret it. I loved Ernest with all my heart but when he didn’t want to do something, there was nobody more stubborn than him. Louis snickered from his place, in front of me and I glared at him, silently telling him that he was supposed to do this, not me. He shrugged and wrapped an arm around Harry’s shoulder. Harry nuzzled his face in the crook of his lover’s neck, completely ignoring all the people sitting at the dinner table. Louis’ eyes mocked me as I tried to feed Ernest again.

“I don’t like it.” He pouted, making puppy dog eyes.

I groaned. That little devil knew I could resist when he made these eyes.

“Why are you forcing me to eat papa Cal?”

I gasped at his words, not able to form any word. Jay chuckled fondly at her son while feeding Doris.

“Ernest, love, Calvin is not your dad.” She said gently so he could understand.

Ernest frowned and shook his head.

“Yes he is! There is mommy J, daddy D and papa Cal.” Ernest said proudly, counting on his miniscule fingers.

I cooed at how adorable he was and ruffled his slight curly blond hair. My gaze caught Dan’s eyes and we stared at each other for a moment. He was giving me this tender look, full of adoration and I would be lying if I said my stomach didn’t flutter every time he looked at me that way.

“He’s not your father, silly!” Lottie said rolling her eyes.

“Lottie!” Jay scolded. “Listen baby,” she said turning her attention back to her son. “Calvin is your brother’s best friend; he is not your dad.”

Ernest shook his head adamantly. I was a little embarrassed about this conversation. Deep down, I was more than glad that he considered me his father. It’d mean that if I were to ever have a relationship with his real dad than he would take it well. I felt my chest swell with compassion and tenderness toward that little monster.

“Does this mean Calvin is also my father?” Phoebe asked, her eyes shining with hope.

“I want him to be my father too!” Daisy exclaimed.

Stan patted me on the back while he was laughing he ass off. I shrugged his hand off and scowled at him. Count on him for supporting his friends, I thought sarcastically.

“Of course he is your father,” Louis chirped in, finally talking to someone else than Harry.

I rolled my eyes as Jay slapped him behind the head.

“What mom?” He whined. “Not my fault the kids love Cal. He’s great with children so of course they were going to love him.”  
“It’s not a reason to lie to your siblings.”

Louis huffed then turned back to Harry, ignoring everyone else. I chuckled at the way he was acting and turned back to Ernest who was still pouting while staring down at his food.

“If you eat all your food, I’ll read you a bedtime story and tucked you in, alright?” I compromised.

Ernest slowly nodded his head and opened his mouth, waiting for the food.

 

After reading a story to both Ernest and Doris, I kissed them good night and went downstairs. I made my way to the kitchen and poured myself a glass of water.  
“I knew you were important to the kids, but not that much.” A voice said behind me.

I smiled as I turned around, leaning against the counter.

“Does it bother you?” I asked.

Dan shook his head, a smile tugging at his mouth. A comfortable silence took place in the room. I wanted to go over him and wrap my arms around his neck as I would kiss him on the lips.

“What are you thinking about?”

“I want to kiss you.” I blurt out without thinking.

Soon, a blush crept onto my face as I saw Dan smirking.

“Really?”

“Uh huh.” I nodded shyly.

He groaned.

“I wish I could kiss you right here right now.” He said.

My heart sped up at his words and I had to clench my fist around the glass to keep me from throwing myself at him. My jaw clenched as I saw his eyes travelling up and down my body while his lower lip was imprisoned in-between his teeth. I felt my pants tighten when his deep brown eyes full of lust bored into mine.  
“Don’t look at me like that.” He said almost painfully.

 

“Like what?” I asked, genuinely confused.

“Like you want me to fuck your ass on the cold tiled floor.”

I whimpered as the thought crossed my mind and images started dancing in front of my eyes. I was getting hard by the second and when I opened my eyes I didn’t know I had closed, I saw Dan right in front of me.

“What are you doing?” I hissed silently. “Back off, what if someone walks in on us being this close?”

“Don’t worry; they are all in the living room, choosing a movie for tonight.” Dan said, kissing my neck.

I moaned lightly when his teeth grazed upon my skin, making me feel all hot and tingly. I reluctantly pushed him away from me with a hand on his chest.

“Not here.” I said.

“Let’s go upstairs.”

I shook my head and let go of him. I straightened my short before looking up at him.

“Not here in this house. Not when you’re still married.”

Dan sighed and ran his hand over his face in exhaustion.

“You have no idea how long I have wanted you and now that I finally do I can’t even be with you.”

He sounded so worn out that I felt guilty for pushing him away. But I couldn’t betray Jay and Louis another time. Last time caught me off guard and I was slightly drunk. But right now, I hadn’t had anything to drink and I was fully aware of the other people living in the house by the snippets of conversations I could hear.  
Then suddenly what he said got to me.

“What do you mean? Since when do you feel this way for me?” I asked, my heart hammering painfully in my chest.

“A few months after my wedding with Johanna.” He replied plainly.

I was beyond shocked. Had he really felt that way for six years?

“Why do you- why do you only tell me this now?”

Dan looked away, probably embarrassed by his confession. He brought a hand to his neck then sighed.

“I thought it was only a fad, that it would go as fast it came. But I was wrong. Obviously,” he chuckled a bit bitterly. “I wasn’t gay, I had always dated women before and when I started feeling odd around you, it freaked me out.” He admitted.

I was starting to understand him and his behaviour a little bit better and I was really glad that he was opening up to me, as if we really were in a relationship.  
“Is it why you never took time to talk with me? Properly, I mean.” I added quickly.

Dan nodded and resumed his explanation.

“I thought that if I didn’t talk to you and avoided you it would go away. But it didn’t. You were always at our house, smiling and making the kids laugh. You were always there for the kids when we wanted a night free of vomits and cries. You were impossible to ignore and I felt myself be attracted to you even more every day.”

“Why did you make Jay pregnant then? Twice.”

I was more confused than upset about what he was telling me. I could not be angry about his choices because I had absolutely no right to be angry. It was his life, he did what he thought was best for him and certainly his family.

“You were sixteen at the time, Calvin. I felt like such a paedophile. I didn’t want to act upon my growing feelings, not when you were a minor. I tried to convince myself that I was not gay, that I loved Johanna more than anything. I did. I thought I did. It was easier to be with her, to have a wife and a family than to be labelled as gay. After a year I wanted to tell her about the conflict that inhabited me. But she told me she was pregnant with the twins, Daisy and Phoebe and I couldn’t break the family that we were going to form. I couldn’t break Louis, Lottie and Fizzy’s trust by abandoning them like their father had.”

I took his hand and intertwined our fingers. My thumb stroked his palm, encouraging him to go on. His eyes flickered to me and he gave me a small sad smile.  
“What made you decide to tell Jay the truth?"

“I was done lying to her. She is such a sweet and nice woman that I couldn’t keep lying to her. I told her I was gay, and she told me she knew. We started the divorce procedure a week after that, and here we are now.”

Silence fell in the room. Not an uncomfortable silence, but a nice and relaxing one.

“What about the kids? When are you guys going to tell them the truth? Who will have custody? What will happen?” I asked in a rush.

Dan chuckled lowly making my insides burn with a warm feeling.

“Calm down,” he said and tightened his grip on my hand. “We decided it was best to share custody. The children need their mother as much as they need their father. As for Lottie and Fizzy, Johanna will have full custody, but I will see them every two weekends. And if they want to drop by they can, whenever they want. I want them to know I will always be there for them as an authoritative figure, I still want to be their father and they deserve to have one that care about them.”

I smiled. It was sweet how much he cared about his children. Dan was a good dad that much I could tell and the way he talked about them only confirmed what I already knew.

“I see you guys already know what you want to do.”

“Yeah, it’s best if part on good terms. Best for the kids but also for us. Besides, Johanna and I are still friends. She isn’t mad at me for being gay. I can’t control who I am and she knows and understands that.”

Dan smiled at me and I leant in, kissing him on the lips tenderly. I wanted him to feel that I understood him as well and that I thought he was a brave and responsible man. My tongue slipped in his mouth and fought with his for dominance. I let him win and grabbed his hair, pulling him closer to me.

“I really like you,” I murmured against his lips.

“I really like you too and I cannot wait to take you out on dates and treat you the way you deserve it. You will be my princess.”

“Hey!” I exclaimed, “I’m not a princess and it’s not because you’re older that you will top me every time we have sex!” I huffed, pretending to be upset.

I pout and crossed my arms over my chest and took a step back, glaring at him when he laughed at me.

“Oh but I already topped you once, Cal,” he whispered with a sultry tone. “I will make you beg for me to fuck you again, to slide my big cock inside your tight ass and make you moan my name as you succumb in the pleasure I give you.”

The gloomy atmosphere was long gone, now replaced by seduction and eroticism. I felt a pole in my pants as I looked down to see the clearly visible bulge distorting the denim of my short. I closed my eyes and tried to regulate my breathing.

 

“Are you okay there, papa Cal?”

He whispered the last part and my eyes shot open as a moan escaped me. I hadn’t expected to be this turn on by his words but I was craving for his hands on me.  
“V-very well,” I said stammering on my words. I walked past him. “I’m going to bed, I need to rest.” I said quickly.

I left the kitchen in haste, hearing his low chuckle rumbling to my ears. My cheeks were on fire, my heart pounding harshly against my rib cage and my hands shaking from how much I needed to touch myself and released the sexual tension.

I got in my room and shut the door, locking it. I rapidly stripped and got on my bed. I spit in the palm of my hand and started jacking me off. My dick grew harder by the second until I was rock hard. My head was full of images of Dan fucking me against the kitchen counter, against the floor, on a couch, in a shower, everywhere. I moaned as my thumb brushed against the sensitive skin of my tip.

I pumped my hand faster, imagining Dan hovering above me, his hand on my shaft and his mouth in my neck, leaving love-bites. I wanted him to suck me until I scream his name. I needed him to use that perfect tongue of his to suck on my tip and make me cum hard in his mouth.

“Ugh...” I moaned when I ran my thumb over my tip once again. My grip on my shaft got tighter as I pumped faster than before. I needed the release so bad but more than anything, I needed Dan to fuck me like he said he would. I was almost tempted to withdraw what I said and make him fuck me here in my bed.

I felt myself close to climaxing and stroked myself faster than ever, moaning Dan’s name as I shot on my stomach. I kept stroking myself until I was too sensitive to keep touching myself. Once I was done, I stayed in bed, staring at the ceiling as I recovered. I was going to die of lack of sex if Dan continued to turn me on.

*

The rest of the holidays had been incident-free and joyful. We enjoyed the beach as much as possible, and went on trips during the afternoons to discover nature all together. Louis and Harry joined us more in our activities and we were one big family that attracted stares from everyone. It wasn’t everyday that you would see a lot of people together like we were.

We were on our way back to Doncaster, and silence filled the car. The kids were asleep, exhausted from the big holidays they had. Louis and Harry were cuddling, as usual and whispering sweet things to each other. I smiled at them fondly. They were really cute and I was no longer jealous when I saw them together. Maybe it was due to the fact that Dan and I were getting closer by the days we hung out together.

We did not have a lot of time to spend together the last few days. But we managed to find a few moments, here and there. It was better than nothing and I cherished our limited time together and stolen kisses when no one was looking. It was risky of us to sneak around a couple of times but I couldn’t help it. I was drowned to him like moth to a flame.

I was afraid that it was just fooling around for him, that once we’d be back in Doncaster, he wouldn’t sign the divorce papers with Jay and he would dump me without looking back. I was also scared that he invented everything so he could fool me and have sex with me. Though we did not have sex again since it first happened when I was drunk. I really dreaded coming back to the real world.

The car came to a stop and I looked out the window to see we were already in front of the Tomlinson’s house. Jay started waking up the kids as the rest of us climbed out of the car. Stan got his suitcase and said goodbye to everyone before walking away. I should probably do the same and go home but I feared going home to my parents yelling at each other.

“You’re staying with us, Calvin?” Jay asked.

I looked at her and smile thankfully, relieved that I could stay with them. She gave me a smile, as if saying ‘you’re welcome’ and walked inside with the kids following her. I suddenly felt really guilty.

Jay was like a mother to me, she knew me well and treated me like her own son. And I was screwing with her husband behind her back. Even if she did know Dan was gay, if it was true, how would she react? No doubt she’d be disappointed in me that I got my dirty hands on her husband. I felt like a whore for a second and froze in my spot, my suitcase lying down at my feet.

“You okay?” A voice asked, concerned.

I was pulled back from my thoughts by a hand and a squeeze on my shoulder. I looked behind me and saw Dan looking down at me with worried eyes. I felt a sensation of déjà-vu as I gave him a small smile and a nod.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” I answered.

He smiled then led me to the front door, lightly brushing his hand against mine. I blushed and looked away from our hands before I did something stupid like intertwine our fingers.

When we arrived in the main hall, I saw all the kids meekly sitting on the couch. Lottie and Fizzy and Louis and Harry were there too. Jay beckoned me to join them and I took a place next to Harry.

“So what’s the big announcement, mom?” Fizzy asked.

I watched as Jay smiled at her daughter, wondering what was going on. Then I noticed Dan standing in front of us too. Our eyes locked. And suddenly a look of realisation crossed my features. They were about to confess their kids of their very soon divorce. Why now? I thought to myself. We just got back from holidays and they wanted to tell their kids now? I thought they were supposed to sign the papers a few days after we got back in Doncaster.

“Your father and I are getting a divorce.” She said bluntly.

I guess there weren’t thousands of ways to explain, might as well get straight to the point.

“What do you mean, getting a divorce? I thought you guys loved each other?” Lottie asked, frowning.

“Yeah what happened?” Louis added.

Jay turned to Dan and I guessed it was better if he spoke for himself.

“You have to know that I love you all dearly and would never abandon you, ever. But, your mother and I fell out of love. It happens. I have another something to tell you and I hope your opinion about me won’t change.”

I stared at him with pride in my eyes. I knew just how much it could be difficult to come out to the persons you love. Yet Louis was gay, I was gay and Jay always accepted us. Lottie and Fizzy never thought of us differently, so he had no reason to be worried. Everything would be fine. The pairs of twins were too little to comprehend everything that was going on at the moment, but I knew that they would explain everything to them when they’d get older.

“You’re our dad, Dan,” Louis said. “Nothing will change that.”

Louis was the one who lived with his biological dad the longest time and hearing him say that must have struck something inside of Dan.

“I’m gay.” He said bluntly, just like Jay had done.

“What does gay mean?” Ernest asked, confusion written on his face.

I smiled fondly at him. He was the cutest. I knew it was bad to have favourites, but I did have a favourite.

“It means that I like boys.” Dan answered softly.

“So you and papa Cal will get married?” He asked innocently.

I try to hold back my laughter as I stared at his adorable baby face.

“I don’t know if he will agree to marry me one day but he will definitely be my boyfriend.” Dan said casually, smiling at his son.

I chocked on my saliva as my eyes shot up to meet Dan’s. My mouth was wide open and I didn’t know if I was breathing or dying because of lack of air. Did he actually admit his feelings for me in front of his whole family? I quickly looked at Jay and saw her giving me a small sad smile. I felt my heart clenched in my chest. I wanted to curl into a ball and hide myself from that sad face. She already knew, I saw it in her eyes. It didn’t hurt any less that she knew. It only emphasised my self-hatred.

“What the fuck?!”

Louis rose from his spot and turned to glare at me. He literally had a death glare and if his eyes were knives I would be dead in a heartbeat. I got up to so I didn’t feel inferior.

“Are you screwing my stepdad?” He yelled, stepping closer to me.

I didn’t flinch even though, on the inside I still wanted to curl in a ball and forget this was happening. I couldn’t stand the thought of losing my best friend. It was thanks to him that I had a family.

“Fucking answer me!” He roared, his fists clenching in anger.

“It only happened once and I was drunk but I-“

He cut me off by throwing his fist in my face. I stumbled back, almost losing my balance. Harry quickly grabbed him before he could throw another punch at me. My nose was bleeding and I was praying he didn’t break my nose. I probably deserved it anyway. I didn’t look at Dan, too ashamed. The self-hate that I had was growing stronger and bigger by the seconds I spent there.

“Is that why you spend all your time here? To fuck my stepdad?!”

I took the accusation without blinking. I knew Louis would be mad, I just never thought it would this bad. But he was being unfair. I knew he had every reason in the world to be mad at me, but he did not have the right to say that. He couldn’t just tell me that when he was the one to make me come to his house all the time when he noticed how bad things were with my parents.

“Louis!” Jay warned.

“No, fuck! Why do you defend him after he stole your husband?!”

Louis was red from all the shouting and breathing heavily. I was glad Harry was holding him, otherwise there would be no doubt he’d attack me again.

“Louis, calm down. He didn’t steal me my husband as you say. You’re talking about your best friend here. You know who he is-“

“Yeah he’s a fucking piece of trash!” Louis snarled.

I tried to hide the hurt I was feeling from all his harsh words but it was a lost cost. Tears burned my eyes as I tried to not let them fall. I couldn’t cry right now, not when Louis was right.

“It only happened once and I didn’t want to do it again not until Dan was officially divorced.” I said quietly, thankful when Louis didn’t cut me off.

“You think it makes it better? You still fucked my stepdad! My fucking stepdad! What were you thinking? That you could steal my life and I wouldn’t say anything?”

I felt like I had been punched in the chest. I never wanted him to feel that way. I was not trying to take his life away from him. It was the opposite. I wanted to be a part of his life and was thankful that he let me be his best friend for so many years.

“Louis, your mother and I decided to get a divorce about five months ago. It’s not new to us and Calvin didn’t know that. Actually he pushed me away. Don’t lose your best friend because you think I’m going to abandon you. Listen to me carefully: I won’t abandon you. I’m not like your father, you can count on me. And it’s not because Johanna and I are not married anymore that it means I will throw you out of life because believe it or not but I love you. You’re my son.”

Louis was crying by now, shaking his head. He didn’t want to believe Dan. He wanted a reason to hate me and push Dan away. He didn’t want to show he cared but he did. He was just scared and I understood him so much. I always had understood him and it wasn’t going to change.

“Louis I’m happy with him. He makes me so happy and I would never ever get in-between your time with your dad. I won’t stand in your way and you know it.”  
“You had to go and destroy my family to be happy?” He snapped.

“Enough Louis,” Jay said sternly. “I knew for a long time that Dan was gay. It was only a matter of time before he accepted it and I knew he had feelings for Calvin. I’m not blind and I’m not hurt. I was at first but I won’t dwell on the past because I have a family to take care of. Dan and I remain good friends and you have to accept that Calvin and Dan are happy together. I know you’re hurting right now and you hate him but he’s your best friend, had been since you were seven.”

“It shouldn’t be okay, mom.” Louis whispered, tears finally poured out of his eyes. “It shouldn’t be okay that another man leaves you alone with four kids.”

Jay stepped towards her son and hugged him.

“He’s not leaving me Louis. We will share custody and as I said, we remain friends and will share the expenditures of the kids. I won’t be alone to raise them, okay baby?”

Louis nodded slowly then freed himself of the hug and took Harry’s hand instead. He looked at me, unsure of how to react. I pleaded him with my eyes to not let me down. I couldn’t do it without my best friend. He was more important than anyone.

“Please forgive me.” I begged him.

“Right now I can’t look at you without feeling sick.” He said, breaking my heart.

I nodded, lowering my head in shame. I wanted to tear my skin off and burn myself alive. I had just lost my best friend because I was stupid enough to fall in love with his stepdad.

“I’m sorry.” I said. “I never wanted that to happen. It just did.”

I noticed from the corner of my eyes that Lottie and Fizzy were keeping the kids entertained while listening to our argument. It made me sick to think it was surely the last time I would see them all.

“But I am willing to make an effort and be your friend again. Just give some time. And a lot of space.” Louis spoke up.

I looked up at him, feeling relief flood over me. I could have gone and hugged him but he wanted space. I nodded rapidly and extended my hand, anxiously waiting for him to take it. I bit my lip, staring into his eyes. He finally shook my hand.

*

The few months after that were kind of hectic. Dan moved out from the Tomlinson’s house to settle in a smaller house across town. It was a big change for the kids but they got used to the fact that their parents were separated and were excited to have two houses and two rooms. Lottie and Fizzy were kind of okay with the situation. I had expected Lottie to be upset about her stepdad walking out of her life but I guess she understood he would always be there for them and would remain their official dad, since he adopted them.

It was more difficult for Louis to come around a man leaving him and his mother and siblings alone. It was hard for him to comprehend that Dan would listen to him if he needed to and take time for him. He refused to speak to me for a whole month. After that he slowly came back to me and started talking to me awkwardly. This whole situation was messed up and it was not only complicated for him.

Maybe one day he will completely forget about what happened. But right now, he was still so cautious around me, as if I would take Dan away from him forever. Harry talked to him about it, trying to reason him, but the Tomlinson’s were known to be very stubborn.

I knew my relationship with my best friend would never go back to the way it was and it hurt me but I was expecting Louis to throw me out of his life for good and never speak to me again. So it wasn’t all bad even if I needed my best friend’s support to confide in him about what was happening to me. There will always be a small part of bitterness between us and nothing would change that. At least he was talking to me now, and we were slowly, very slowly, starting to bond again, to build a new relationship. I missed the old one but I guess I only reaped what I sowed.

As for Dan and me, we were officially in a relationship. I had a boyfriend. For the first in my life, I had a boyfriend, and a wonderful on at that. He was perfect with me, always taking care of me as if I were some fragile little thing. We limited the PDA around Jay and Louis though. I felt too self-conscious about our relationship that I didn’t want to risk any damage to Louis and I new precarious relationship.

I felt amazing in his presence and I never wanted to leave his side. He made me happy like no one else and was always taking good care of me. He asked me to move in with a few days ago, after a few months of us being together. I knew things were moving fast but it didn’t feel wrong. It felt perfect, as if we had waited our whole life to meet the other. It was a unique relationship and I knew I’d never find someone who could make me feel as special as Dan was. I loved him so much that sometimes I wondered how my heart hadn’t fallen out of my chest from all the swelling it suffered from, from the moment Dan and I were officially together.

“Why are you still up? Come to bed with me.”

I beamed at the deep voice behind me and slowly turned around to be met with the most stunning brown eyes. Who said brown was a dull colour? I could see all I needed to see in his eyes: love, tenderness, affection, adoration, lust.

“I love you, you know?” I sighed lovingly as I stepped toward him and encircled my arms around his neck.

He chuckled then leant down to kiss me softly.

“I love you too, Cal.”

I smiled and kissed him again. His tongue brushed against my lips and I parted them, letting him enter my mouth and giving me the most loving kiss we ever shared. I loved him so much that sometimes my heart ached. I was lucky to have found him and I would never let him go. He was my essential.


End file.
